So...yes I am in love with an amazing man...yes I would do ANYTHING to have him in my life...yes I know what I have gotten myself in to with him being so far away, but he is still so near and dear to my heart. Words cannot express the way that I feel for this man...he is wonderful, incredible, amazing, sweet, thoughtful, loving, caring, just everything that I could ever want. He is still far from me and this is the trouble inside my heart tonight. It is lover's day today and tonight...yet I sit here alone...wishing I was in his arms finally. Only 5 more lover's days to miss before I am able to feel that warmth and strength that he gives me with just a thought of him. Something about him makes me feel so safe...even while he is gone away. He is such a giant...a gentle giant...but he is the one that does nothing but make me feel like I am the most important thing in his life. I feel so tiny next to him...that is crazy...but he just surrounds me and makes me feel more love with each time I hear his voice. Does he know and understand just how much he means to me?? I don't know for sure...but I know that I am figuring out just how much I mean to him. It has taken me a long while to get to this point, but finally I am seeing the whole picture and learning that he loves me for me...not for any other reason but that I am who I am. He is my world, without him, I am not whole. I missed out on 8 years of that wholeness that my love gives me. Some people may understand, others may not, that is just fine either way...all that matters to me is that I understand. It all makes sense again, life...love. It just fits together finally. I am so thankful for how free I feel for the first time in my life...it is truly the greatest feeling in my life at this point.
I long for his touch, his whisper in my ear, his calm reassurance, the gentleness of his hands slowly moving up my arms as he stands behind me with his lips pressed against my cheek and he breathes in my scent and cherishes my every move. I long to just feel his body next to mine...that will be a wonderful day. Until then...I lay here alone and dream of the day I will touch him the way I want to...without anyone telling me to move away from him. Nothing to stop us...no boundaries...just love and emotion intertwining to make one being out of two that used to be.
I love you with everything inside of me...we will be together forever before you know it. Thank you for loving me through my damages and taking care of me when I don't know how to anymore. MUAH baby...MUAH!!!
Forever Yours,
Jamie Lynn Gower
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