Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Prison Wife...

Who is she??

She is around you more than you may ever realize. She is the girl in line at the grocery store. She is the girl sitting next to you at work. She is the girl on the other end of the phone when you call customer service. She is the girl standing at the mailbox just waiting and hoping there is a letter, amongst all of the bills, with his name in the top left corner. She is the girl jumping up and down when she hears his ringtone every day. She is the girl searching everywhere to find new perfume to spray on his letters. She is the girl laying alone at night...thinking of how it will feel to have his skin on hers all night long as they sleep. She is the girl crying tears because he is so far away...but do you know that is what the tears are for??

She is the girl setting out to achieve her goals and earn a college degree so that life can be successful for him and for her when they are finally reunited...and she does it with so much love and appreciation for all that he does for her, even though things are limited for the moment. She is the girl that everyone does not feel sorry for because this is the life she chose...so when things get rough...all she hears is "well that is the road you chose to take" or "if you would just move on and find someone who could be here and support you"...you just don't get it, do you??

She is the girl who has nobody to comfort and hold her when someone she loves passes away. She is the girl who must remain strong in the face of challenge. She is the girl with nobody to hold her hand and cry with her when she finds out that she has a medical problem. She is the girl that people look at with pity in their eyes because there is nothing they can do. He is the only man that can take this all away.

She is the girl that loves her man more than life itself. She is the girl that hurts when he tells her how worthless he is because he can't provide for her. She is the girl that tells him he is wonderful when the cops make him feel like he has no value as a man...when the only difference between them and him is that he just got caught...the cops will someday too. She is the girl that would give anything to make him understand just how much he really is loved and valued in this life. She is the girl that he vents to when he is struggling. She is the girl left in the dark because he will not tell her what life on the inside is like...she is too precious to know all of this and he wants to keep her sacred and away from this hell that he calls home. She is the girl wondering if she is on his mind as much as he is on hers. She is the girl that is just as imprisoned as he is...sure she does not live in that world...but she is doing the time right along with him.

She is the girl running to the bank to make sure she has enough quarters to get through the whole 8 hour visit. She is the girl driving an hour, 4 hours, or 14 hours so that she can finally kiss the man that she is in love with and be able to feel close to him for the hours that they are together. She is the girl who can't wait to see his face in person again. She is the girl going to "visit" her sweetheart...knowing that she will have to leave him again. She is the girl that hurts, knowing that any and all privacy that he has was gone the moment the cuffs were put on his wrists. She is the girl who wants to throw up when she thinks of the most incredible man that she has ever known, being shackled with chains around his stomach, his hands cuffed in front of him, his feet chained together...and chained to the person sitting next to him or walking in front of him. She is the girl that does not see the monster in him that they all think exists. She is the girl they call "naive" to the real world...she is not...she is sick of being classified like this just because she believes in people more than they believe in themselves.

She is the girl who lights up when she mentions his name or just thinks about him. She is the girl that gets butterflies in her stomach when he kisses her. She is the only person in this world that matters when he gives her a hug and tells her that he loves her. She is the girl counting down the days...waiting until he is free and there are no limits to how they express their love to each other for one another. She is the rock in his life...the solid foundation. She is his escape...especially when she is on the other end of the phone. She is the girl that he prays for. She is the girl that he fights for. She is the girl that he hopes is being faithful...but does he really trust her to be...and does he really believe her when she says she is?? She is the girl that does her very best in everything...inspite of the situation. She is his whole world...the letters she sends are priceless. He loves to smell her letters...it is refreshing from what he smells in there every day.

He is her whole world as well. He is on her mind 24/7/365. She is wondering what she can do to make him happy...she is limited...but she can change everything in his world for the better or for the worse...how is she going to decide to change it?? She is the greatest creation that God has ever made in his eyes. He is the most wonderful and incredible man on this earth in her eyes. The past is the past and that is just where it needs to stay. They pick up their lives...move toward one another...and create a whole new world inside of one another. When one gives, they receive. For everything she does for him to make him happy...he returns that to her. He showers her with unexpected gifts and amazing words written by his hand. He spoils her...and she spoils him. They fit...they always have...they always will. He loves her more than he could even try to describe...she loves him just the same...maybe more (:

Who is she?? She is me.

81 comments:

  1. That is wonderful. It really hit home for me in many ways. It is not my man inside but the child that I bore 17 years ago.

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  2. oh my hun that is beautiful
    that is so beautiful
    thas all me in a nut shell
    reading this mad me cry and realize im not the only one
    thank you hun
    that was so up lifting and beautiful
    i hope all is well with your love
    may god bless your relationship

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  3. Wow! You just blew me away...that girl is me!

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  4. Thank you! This is amazing!! That girl is me too...

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  5. Every word very well said.......beautiful

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  6. My eyes were full of tears reading this, all this and more is what I feel...thank you..

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  7. Thanks for the post, I too am a prison wife. Thank you for putting in words who I am & what I feel everyday until my hubby comes home.

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  8. That was very good and so true, thank you for sharing that!!!

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  9. I feel like someone gets it, finally. When no one around me dose...thank you.

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  10. wow... like everyone else,,, that is me... God bless you for sharing with us all... And bless your relationship... thanks for posting

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  11. It's beautiful. I want to print it to send to my husband but can't get it all. It says it all. Thank you for saying what I feel.

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  12. totally love it. gonna send it to my hubby :).. THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!

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  13. WOW!!! I BAWLED THROUGH THE WHOLE THING. IM STILL CRYING.SHOWS HOW NIAVE I WAS. I AM NOT ALONE WITH THIS, LIKE I THOUGHT. I AM SO GLAD I GOT ON THIS SITE. THANK YOU SO MUCH. THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING...BEAUTIFUL

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  14. Wow this touched my heart cause everything u said is so true and I couldnt have said it better

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  15. WOW. Excellent job. Very well done.

    She is me too. *-)

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  16. Thank you so much

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  17. Thank you!! This is so me too!!!

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  18. Wow! simply amazing this is so me

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  19. this made me cry through the whole thing. i am a prison wife also thank you for putting it into words

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  20. Thank you so much for sharing your story! This is my life as well and I am happy to see that there is someone out there that can relate, someone that is non judgemental, someone that isn't ashamed to speak out on a love that do to circumstace has stigmas... Thank you again!

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  21. Holy cow!! Thank you all for your responses...I had no idea people have been reading this. I enjoy writing...though it has been far too long since I have. I like to get my feelings out as I type and I'm glad to know that so many people have enjoyed reading. One thing I have come to understand is to not be ashamed of my husband...regardless of the fact that he is incarcerated. He is the love of my life and nobody will ever take that away from me...never has and never will!! Thank you all again...now I want to write more (:

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for this.. It is me.. From 1980 to 1991 i stayed with my boyfriend.. I began jailing from 17 to 27 years old.. He was my world and i was his.. Although jailing was not an easy life it was the happiest i ever was.. It was pure love and devotion. When he got out it was overwhelming for both of us and we split up. Years later we got back together as once you experience that depth of love no other relationship could compare.. He was my world.. 6 years ago at 44 he died suddenly of a heart attack.. I have been lost without him but i know he is always with me.. Maybe one day i will write a book.. Rip frankie.. I love you to this day!

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  22. must be a nice surprise that people read and enjoy it. as a matter of fact there is a link to this one on PTO (prisontalk forum). If you'd feel like talking to people who do understand, feel free to join.

    Happy holidays!

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  23. will give you the link so you can see, 100 responses on your story.
    http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=405388&highlight=Prison+Wife

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  24. OMG thank you so much for posting this! You took the words right out of my heart.

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  25. This was so wonderful and made me truly see I'm noy alone with how I feel about by man being close but yet so far away..

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  26. thank you so much for this. it really really really hit home and brought a tear to my eye. this is beyond truthful

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  27. this words i read really got to me it's like my own life thank u for letting me know i'm not the only one and i'm not crazy for what i'm feeling kike n janie 4 life

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  28. Wow! it's hard to imagine going through what we go through with having our loved one inside that anyone understands...but wow....for once I don't feel on my own...and I am speechless in front of your amazing words. Thank you for sharing them :)

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  29. I am still in tears!! I am so glad that finally someone understands who I am. A prison wife. I always felt like an outsider in many aspects of my life, but after reading this NO MORE!! Thank you so much for this gift you have given us to make us feel special and appreciated!! God Bless You always and please keep writing!! Please continue to share yor gift with us!!

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  30. How Sweet! There's alot of us out there, and just because he's incarcerated does not mean we slack off our wifey duties, we are strong when they are weak and vice versa. No matter what people say or think, no one else can make you complete, and you know this is a once in a lifetime true love that has found you, there is no other one like it, it's just an obstacle you two must overcome, and once you come out of it, it makes your marriage and love for one another, just that much more stronger.

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  31. I have no idea who you are. But thank you. This post allowed me to finally have my much needed cry. My husband has been in prison for only 4 months and we have at least 2 years to go. Until today, I have not cried one time. He tells me i'm too strong and that he wishes I would let him be my rock. I was very touched by this. Again, thank you.

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  32. that made me cry

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  33. Thank you for sharing those words, it brought tears to my eyes. Again thank you

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  34. this girl also is me i cried when i read the post because that girl is me too people on the outside with perfect lives dont understand you cannnot help who you love and metal bars dont change the love all it does is make it stronger because if the relationship can survive the hell of one of us being locked up it can survive anything

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  35. Thank you for reminding me of how special we are.

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  36. I'm a prison wife as well thanks for sharing this

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  37. that's beautiful... thank you. Do you mind if I send this to my hubbs in prison?

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  38. This poem really touch my heart,I always felt like I was all alone and its so good to see theres other woman in the struggle with missing there loved ones who are incarcerate.
    My husband has been in prison for twenty year
    and I met him while I was a prison guard and we have been together for six years now,but married for two years. And believe me it has been a challenge, and struggle. He went up for parole last june and received another seven years. Since the parole hearing things between us have been strand and to be honest I wonder if we are going to make it. The man I fell inlove with has gone,and the man that is left,is bitter and cant express his emotions. I feel as if were going into different directions and drifting apart. I dont know weather to walk away,or continue to stand by him and the vowels we stated before God and the prison preacher.

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  39. Beautifully said - I wrote something very similar on my own blog a couple of years back - exact same feelings. You described so many of us so well. Thank you for showing the rest of us that we are not alone.

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  40. I am an imate wife and reading this brought tears to my eyes because i know how you feel and this is me waiting for him to come home.

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  41. That's being an inmates woman in a nutshell. I actually printed that and sent it to him. Thank you so much for making me feel not quite so alone in this world while we are all doing our time.

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  42. Tearss..Thank u sooooo much I needed that so much!!! I'm not crazy....damn it feels good to know someone shares these feelings this love
    ....can be so hard sometimes my man I met on "live links" 2 1/2 years ago...We are so in love we have been since our first phone call...He is now in lock up but he gets out may 1st..It gets hard sometimes missing and wanting him here..We both so anxious to start our lives together he is 27 and has been locked up 7 years..I'm 24 a caregiver and don't have any children..We do want to be married we consider ourselves married already..I've had infidelity issues in the past just couldn't control my sexual cravings..But now it's to the point where I don't want another man period..Sometimes I do question the future as far as him remaining faithful to me..Most likely because of my history in men..He has never given me a reason to question or doubt him in anyway but the fear still remains..being he has been in jail 7 years and he has told me about hoe wild he was when he was younger I sometimes wonder what and how strong this love is..Any other obstacles in life besides abuse..I could withstand...I've never been pregnant before and I wonder of I can...SCARED to find out....And he has a son that's seven who he doesn't have contact with because the mother has moved on and has him believing her boyfriend is because he has Bern there since his birth..but she used to take him to visit him in jail until he was three..this kills him inside and he wants to contest the court for paternity and custody...This subject is very sensitive and recently I asked questions about it..Its like he is indebted to her in a way because of his absence..I don't know hoe to feel about the situation but I want to be supportive..What if I can't have his children that he. wants so badly..we've discussed this b efore and he says we could adopt but I know he wants some biological kids other than his son who he had missed the first seven years of his life..Its almost time for him to come home and I'm Sooo nervous..We haven't seen each other in two years by then it will be almost three...all we have is letters..This is hard..any advice for me

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  43. WOW!! Thank you everyone...I'm still amazed people are reading this at random. I appreciate that and no, I don't mind anyone wanting to send it to their loved one.

    For "Anonymous" that commented on 8/29/11...here is my advice...stick with it!! All of the people who have read this and commented can attest to the fact that we all know girls that are being "played"...but only you know him for real. The only thing you have to wonder is...can you handle the stress and drama that is inevitable for when he returns home?? I say that because there is no way to have a "normal" life after someone we love has been in prison. First of all, their brain is forever changed and it will take a very, very long time to return to a somewhat stable point...and I whole-heartedly believe that their surroundings are what determine the outcome of their future. Second, with his son's mother...you know there is bound to be some court fighting and stuff, and she may even use that little boy against his dad (which is sad but unfortunately true in a lot of cases)...can you handle that?? Third, I know that we all worry and wonder if he will leave when he gets out and gets what he wants for a moment...but then what do you think they wonder about since they are in there and we are out here. I too have have fidelity issues...not many girls in our situation can say that they haven't...we are human. The important thing to remember is...how did you handle the situation and are you being the best you that you can be now in life!?! I live a VERY busy life...and I absolutely love it!! The only thing that I do outside of work and school (besides seeing my family or his) is that I go see him and talk to him a lot. We are blessed to have cheap calls...so we talk 2-4 times every day. He calls when he wants to (when I'm not in school or at work) and he knows I will answer. So...since you are unable to see or talk to him...you have to be even stronger. I will say this...you are a much stronger woman than I am...I am addicted to my husband and there is NOTHING that will keep me from paying for his calls or visit...and I mean nothing. It takes a super strong woman to be with someone in prison and not be able to talk to him. At least you know it is getting closer for him to come home. Count those blessings...some of these women will never be able to say that. We only have 2.5 years to go and I thank God that the last 5 years have flown by. For heavens sake...our first wedding anniversary is coming up soon...that is crazy to think about. Well "Anonymous"...I wish you the best and hope you find all that you are looking for in your relationship with your honey and that your future will bring forth only happy times for you and him both!!

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  44. wow thats me and my guy theres nothing we wont do for each other. people think im crazy for loving a man whos in prison...i tell them yup i am crazy...crazy in love with him. thanks for your poem its beautiful

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  45. that is the most beautiful thing i have ever heard in my entire life ! my fiancee is away from me ! he will be for 3 years . and i miss him more and more every single day !

    good luck to you and your honey !

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  46. It's so good to know I'm not alone in what I'm going through. Although I will admit I'm filled with bitterness and resentment, a lot of what you said hit home.

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  47. Thank you for sharing, Sometimes you feel like nobody understands, it is good to see that there are others that feel the same way I do. I am so that girl. I miss my husband more than anything and feel like I can't breath without him. Thank you again

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  48. All I can say is thank you!!! I've never felt so alone in my life until he was incarcerated...and nobody understands how we don't just move one... this one especially hit him since I will be graduating from college the month after his release!!

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  49. OMG!!! This is beautiful :) I miss my husband every single second and i can't wait for him to come home to me. Thank you for sharing this!!!

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  50. Thank you sometimes it is so hard and no one can understand why we dont just walk away, and wow its great to hear other people in agreement about love and how they feel and wow thank you

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  51. Wow is all i have to say. I never thought anyone understood what I'm going through but now I realize that you know EXACTLY what I'm going through down to the smallest grain of sand. That seriously was the most touching thing I've ever read in my life - THANK YOU! Truly Amazing!

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  52. thanks for putting thoses words out there my husband is in vienna im very new at this and it nice to know im not the only one with those feelings

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  53. Amazing! she is ME! Yes,I am a Prison Wife and I truly thank you for this post...i loved it

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  54. cried like a baby when i read this. every word hit me like a ton of bricks. my husband is everything to me and i miss him so. i too am a prison wife and this is me

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  55. This is me... truth to the core, it hurts. Thank you!

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  56. I am this woman. Have been married for almost 28 years. Over a year ago my husband was arrested. He'd never been in trouble before. He pled guilty and now awaits a long sentence. I knew nothing about what he did, but have forgiven him. Can't help it; I love him too much. I can't stop loving him. I identify with all the women on this posting.

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  57. OMG!! I am at the airport heading home from my visit with my husband !! Left there crying and now crying again after reading this!!! So sad but yet beautiful!!! I am that girl too, that is me !! Thank you .. I'm not alone even though my heart feels that way..

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  58. She is also me.. There are tears pouring down my face, this is so beautiful, thanks for sharing. I will definitely mail this to my man :)

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  59. Thank you for sharing your deep thoughts,,as i read the tears kept pouring down my face,, we are strong woman, and not everyone is capable of this,, thank you once again,, may God Bless you and your family. serenity...

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  60. That girl is me too...

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  61. that was beautiful, and so very true...

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  62. thats amazing its very true

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  63. Thank you so much for that! I couldn't help but cry while reading it. You expressed exactly how I feel about my man!

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  64. Thank you for this amazing letter. As a prison wife who is unable to visit her husband, and has 6 and half years until he comes home, any support is wonderful. I feel the same way ...and i cannot wait to send this to my husband.

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  65. Thank you. I am a Prison husband and the same rings through to me !!! WOW!

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  66. I love this soo much, it really did make me cry, I know everyone has said that already on here but those words were powerful.
    I never thought I'd be that girl but now I am. I'ts hard knowing that I have so many years of my life to put on hold because he was with the wrong idiot friend at the wrong time. And being told he is getting anywhere form 5 to 8 years and not knowing for sure. For a girl that had to mark the days on her calender knowing when they would take my fiance into custody, 2 months before our anniversary is the worst thing to go through. Knowing he wont be there to see me graduate from school when he is the one who kept me pushing everyday, and was most proud of me, sat down everynight to study with me and enjoyed it more than I did. It sucks knowing that we cant start our family until we're in our 30's, I'll be 24 this month, they took him into custody days before my birthday. I cant come home and tell him how my day went or hold him at night when i'm so used to having the one person who loves me more than anything and fall asleep in his arms. I can never call him from work when I'm working overnight just to hear his voice. Whats even worse is being an interracial couple he's having a hard time with all of the stupid little gangs even though he tries to stay to himself. From the day I visited people have started problems with him over it. From the arians to the blacks he has problems now. And I worry about him every second of every day. Who cares if we're 2 different races? I'm just counting down the days that he comes back home to me. And its going to be tough, there will be days he will think im not being faithful, days something bad happens that he wont tell me, or days we miss each other to the point we feel we cant take it anymore. But love and strengh will get us through. Love will prevail.

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  67. Wow. That is so beautiful.

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  68. this is me too. you are not alone

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  69. Wow, so amazing

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  70. This is so real...just beautiful i cud not get thru reading this without saying. ..she is me...thank u very much &allowing us to share with our hubbys mwah mwah mwah 2 you sis 4 these words

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  71. That is me too!! Down to the last word! I'm in tears, thank you for these words mamas, sending you big hugs girl.

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  72. I can't believe theres many women who are just like me. So Im not alone? Everthing you said is just how I feel.Thank you for shareing this. I have been waiting for my husband going on SIX long years and my waiting will come to an end. Shoot... I cant stop crying. Thank you again.

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  73. She is me also.. beautiful words.. thank you for sharing.. 2 years to go

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  74. She is me too. Thank u for this

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  75. Just read this to my husband over the phone and it was very heartfelt to both of us. it hits home to us to the tee! Thank you for sharing made my night. SHE IS ME TOO!

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  76. Yes i will be saving this and sending it to a good friend of mine her man is in prison and she could really use this to cope. I seriously can not stop crying...ive been strong for to long and i miss my husband dearly and we still have a year and 3 months to go. He missed out on our daughter being born and will miss everything up to her 1st birthday next year. I know its killing him too but we will make it through. God bless you lady! Your friggin amazing.

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  77. 20 years later my love is home but this journey started in 1994 and still is not completely over. He means the world to me and it is hard to adjust and my heart is heavy because I am so beside myself truth be told as i lived this life unconditionally loving him others never understood and thought that this was a waste of time but he raised my kids from behind the prison walls and my children love him as their FATHER! Nobody ever understands what we as Prison Wives have gone thru and it is good to see their are others who feel the same way! God Bless and take care all my loving Prison Wives.

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