Why her??

My sweet sister...I miss you more than words can even express. I don't even know where to start. I love you more than I ever have and I am so sorry that I did not do enough to express that when you were on this earth. Your life has truly amazed me. I know that you always felt like you did not matter to anyone...for that I am truly sorry. I am sorry that I did not wrap my arms around you when you needed it the most...that is all I want now...just to hold you in my arms again, to love you and to never ever let you go. You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever known and now your beauty is so much more powerful and bright...for I have seen you in my dreams. Baby girl...I long for the day that I will see you again and be able to wrap my arms around your neck and tell you how much I love you. Ashley, I pray that you are able to truly feel the wholeness that you longed for on this earth and was never able to feel. I know that you are now in the arms of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father and that they are keeping you very busy with all of us down here asking for help in so many areas of our lives. I have found comfort in knowing that you are the one that the Lord has granted the right to administer to me and the rest of the family during our times of struggles and to catch us when we fall. Thank you for being my angel Ash...you are the best angel that anyone could ever ask for. I am proud of you for getting your life in order the way that you wanted it to be before the Lord took you from this hell. I can't wait until it is also my turn to return to that place and be with you and the rest of the family...no I am not in any hurry...I just anticipate that day. 

There are so many things that I miss...but I am so thankful for the sweet memories that I have of you and us. I miss your voice...you have the most incredible voice I have ever heard and I know that the Lord is putting it to great use in the Heavenly choirs above. I miss the way that you announced your entrance in to any room at any given time. It was always well know when you were around. I miss your woody-woodpecker laugh and how big your cheeks got when you would laugh. I miss your screaming and cheering for ASU and I miss going to any of those games with you. I miss your bling...the BIG necklaces and and earrings that always added extra beauty to your already beautiful face. I miss watching all of the babies run and jump in your arms when you showed up...I miss them saying, "Ashwey"...and seeing the look on your face when you would see them, and your puckered lips when you wanted smooches from them. I miss watching you text someone without ever looking at your phone, while you are carrying on a face to face conversation with someone else. I miss how much you were online...it drove me crazy...but I miss it so much now!! I miss telling you to pull your shirt up so you were not showing your world to everyone. I miss your crooked bottom lip and tiny upper lip. I miss your "pit bull" attitude. I miss our arguments cuz we both knew we were right...now I know how much being right does not matter one damn bit!! The most important part is being happy...not being right. I would let you be right every time if I had only known that you would be taken from us so early. I miss you...every part of you...every everything about you. I am so sorry that I was mean to you when we were kids...please forgive me Ashley!! I love you so much and I don't know how to go on without you at times. 

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I would see you in your Temple clothes for the first time as you lay in your casket. Never would I have ever thought that I would have to help dress my 21 year old sister and help do her hair and make-up for her funeral...I should have been helping dress my 21 year old sister and helping with her hair and make-up for her wedding that should have been 6 weeks later. OUCH...that thought hurts. Never would I have thought that I would have to bury a sibling before a parent...not that I am looking forward to burying anyone at any time. Never would I have imagined that all text messages and phones calls from her would be non-existent. I swear that the Lord has given her special permission to have a phone up there cuz I still get texts from her phone number (even though I know my nieces have that number now). I just know that some of the things that are sent to me as a text from that number are from her...I love it...and I love when it scares me too!! 

Ashley, I would give anything to see you again! Thank you for letting me see you in a dream so that I know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and that you are and will forever be watching over me and all of us. Thank you for just being you and for being a part of my life...you are a great blessing to me. I miss you dearly and I love you very much!!! 

Love, 

Lamie Jynn :)